" There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permits. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” Anonymous
Do you know people with big buts? I’m not referring to people carrying a few extra pounds. I’m talking about those people who say, “sure I’d love to pursue my dream. But,” and then begin to list the many perceived blocks in their way. Yes, it’s true - big buts can block the path to realizing your dreams.
It’s also true that it is much easier to notice other people’s buts than your own. It often isn’t until you’re talking out loud and hear yourself saying “but . . . “ that you notice those pesky buts in your way. My favorite variation of big buts is “yeah, but.” This usually comes up when there is hidden resistance to something. Rather than acknowledge there’s something holding them back, I hear people use “yeah, but” as a way to make it sound like they really, really want to move forward, yet something external is stopping them. “Yeah, but” is usually followed by “I can’t,” as if the person is held back against their will. For example, people often tell me about the career of their dreams. If I say, “If that’s something you love, you can make that dream happen.” The next statement I generally hear is “Yeah, but I can’t make any money at it,” or “Yeah, but I can’t leave my current job until the kids are grown.” They often won’t even permit themselves to look into making some part of that dream a reality because of the big buts blocking their view.
After working with me for a while, my clients can usually hear themselves when they put those buts in their way. The pesky “yeah, but” usually draws a laugh from my clients when they hear themselves say it! I’m certainly not suggesting you ignore obstacles or challenges, only to be aware when you are putting buts in your way.
Big buts can easily hide in your thinking. It’s very easy to tell yourself stories about why you haven’t made progress on your goals, or why you are stuck in your thinking. Realize when you’re making excuses and consciously choose to look at the source. Notice when you’re stuck and you don’t know why. Talk through it with a coach or friend. Be aware of the presence of the big but, as well as its little cousins “I can’t” and “I don’t know,” and other “resistance” words. Ask for support to explore your true thinking about those blocks so YOU don’t let big buts get in your way.
The first step to keeping big buts out of your way is to realize when they’re present. Talk through your situation, listening for “yeah, but” or other resistance phrases. Realize when you’re making excuses and be willing to look more deeply at the thoughts, beliefs, or fears that are getting in your way. When you have big dreams to pursue, there’s just no room for big buts!
