Have you ever been stuck? I think we all, at some time or another, find ourselves at what appears to be a dead end. A dead end can look or feel many different ways, but the important point is that we feel stuck in moving forward, there's pain involved in being stuck, and like the old Western movies where the hero finds himself in a box canyon, we don't see any way out of the situation. This article is about some different approaches for being stuck in that box canyon, based on my own experience of being completely bogged down when writing articles for my newsletter, The Spark. I was certainly in a box canyon with my writing! I realized that what we choose to do, as we contemplate that "dead end," can determine how successful we are not only at getting unstuck in a situation, but ultimately how successful we are in life. Hopefully by sharing my experience you can recognize your pattern, if you're stuck. Or at some point in the future you can save yourself from staying stuck in that box canyon.

Let me take you back a few weeks, to the point where I was ready to write the next edition of The Spark. I had such a good topic in mind. I did some research and thought about what a valuable topic it would be. It all seemed great until . . . I couldn't get myself to write the article. My first approach was to "fight back." This seems to be the favorite approach for many of the people I meet who seem least happy in their lives. Like a wind-up toy that just keeps bumping into the wall over and over, sometimes we know it doesn't work, but we don't know what else to do. In my own example, several times I forced myself to sit down and work on the article, I promised myself rewards, I tried all those tricks I teach other people to do. Yet, the story wouldn't come. I call this approach "fighting back" because, to me, it feels like willpower and force. Sometimes "fighting back" can work to get us moving again, but I find it more likely makes us tired and frustrated. Obviously this approach wasn't working for me.

Next I thought about "giving in." When you feel like you can't succeed it can be helpful to lull yourself into an "out." I told myself a story that I didn't really need to do The Spark anymore. Maybe it was time to do something else, maybe I had run out of topics of interest, maybe I'd never be able to write an article again. My goodness, the gremlins can be creative! I call this "giving in" because it's passive and tends to be so disempowering. At least when you are "fighting back" you are doing something in action. In contrast, "giving in" is usually personal (I'm just not ____ enough (fill in the blank with your favorite! Creative, smart, educated, so many to choose from!)) and “giving in” is about inaction.

Blaming is another approach that comes in handy at dead ends. When it's uncomfortable to hold ourselves accountable for the state of things, it's reassuring to pin it on somebody or something else. I used this one too! In my case, I blamed it on circumstances. I had a lot going on, there were more important things to do, and the list goes on. This "blaming" approach is detrimental because we are giving our power away to a person or a situation. With this approach, we're waiting for something external to happen so we can feel like we're moving again. In my case, I recognized what I was doing, and chose to put myself back in control.

If I had stayed with any of those previous approaches, you probably wouldn't be reading this article. So what finally freed me to take action? I finally stepped back to reassess. With this approach, I stopped focusing on what was wrong and started thinking about what I ultimately wanted. I asked myself why I liked having a newsletter, what I thought it did for me and for others. Instead of focusing on the "wall" that had me blocked, I focused on everything else. And I realized that sometimes a dead end looks that way because we're too close to get a good view. I use the metaphor of a large boulder in the middle of the road where you want to pass. If you walk all the way up to the boulder, so all you can see is the boulder right in your face, you're unable to see what your options are for getting around, over, or under the boulder. It's only by stepping back or turning a different direction that you're able to see what else is possible to get past the obstacle.

Reaching what appears to be a "dead end" is a fact of life for any of us who want to grow and reach new limits. The dead end itself is not a problem, as long as we remember we have tools besides fighting back, giving in, and blaming to free ourselves from our perspective. The next time you're feeling stuck, or find yourself in one of those other approaches, take a moment to reassess. I've provided some suggestions for reassessing in the section below.

Here are some tips for reassessing your situation:

Change your questions. Do you tend to ask yourself "dead end" questions like "What's wrong with me?" or "Why can't I figure this out?" If so, you're just ramming yourself into that dead end over and over again like the wind-up toy. Those types of questions are about what's wrong. Change your questions to focus on the solution, such as "What can I do differently to make progress?" or "How can I use my skills more effectively in this situation?" Better questions move your mind into solving the problem instead of staying stuck. If you can't think of a good question, just ask yourself, "What's a question that will move me toward a solution?"

Change your view - Instead of focusing on what's wrong or how down you feel, shift your focus to what's good, or what's possible. This serves much the same purpose as changing your questions - it gets your mind working in different ways. If there's someone you trust to support you in shifting your view, ask that person to look at the situation with you. Often someone who isn't as vested in the situation can give you a completely new view. Another way to change your view is to think about it in a different environment. Get away from all the associations of being stuck and into an environment that empowers you. I find that hiking, running, or being in nature give me a new, refreshing view.

Change your approach. Sometimes we get so entrenched in the way we're doing something, we forget the ultimate outcome. For example, did you ever plan a family vacation to have a great time together, yet you got so wrapped up in the schedule of activities and sightseeing that you were all miserable? You lost sight of the original outcome! Try something new, even if you don't think it will work. Often just the act of changing your pattern can make a difference. The deciding factor for my situation was that I gave up on my original topic and found something new - this topic. It seems so simple, yet it can make all the difference! As Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” Thank again!

Choose to learn from the situation. When you're feeling stuck, it's very easy to be hard on yourself and lose sight of the lesson that is waiting for you. I obviously learned a lot from my experience. If I hadn't struggled with this situation, AND if I hadn't examined it for the lesson, I wouldn't have been able to write this article. And understanding my non-productive approaches will help me make faster adjustments in the future. There is always a lesson in struggle . . . always.

Ask yourself why the situation is a problem. Often we are the ones that create the pressure in the situation, not others. Are you using this as an excuse to beat yourself up, blame others, or shirk responsibility? Be fully honest with your feelings around the situation. In my situation, I gave myself permission to stop writing The Spark. I imagined what that would be like, and I also imagined what it would be like to continue The Spark successfully. I removed some of the pressure I was feeling, which made it easier to think creatively and resourcefully.

Have a vision for your life or the situation beyond this stuck point. Imagine yourself in the future, past this little obstacle you're dealing with now. Imagine how great you will feel when you have succeeded, when you have that sense of accomplishment and all the other rewards associated with your success. Use all of your senses to make that future moment real: what do you see, how do you look, what do you hear, what do you feel. Make the future as real in your imagination as you can. Write it down if you really want to anchor your future reality. This future vision can serve you in two ways. First, it can give you an end state to aim toward. I believe that when the mind has a clear picture of the target, you automatically become more creative and resourceful. Second, it can serve to motivate you when life gets frustrating. Reconnecting with that vision of your future can often get you through the day-to-day challenges that always come up.